Backtracking to this past Tuesday since mom life has delayed my posting (better late than never, right?)
My day sucked (or at least I thought it did before so stumbled across something that snapped me back to reality).
I tried for 3 hours last night to put my kids to bed. First, I went into Landon’s room (my almost 2 year old) and laid down in his new big boy bed, next to him, where he usually falls asleep quite fast. Only this time, he would doze off and each of the 3 times I tried to sneak out, he woke up crying “mommy mommy.” – I finally put him in my bed, he started to fall asleep and then I moved on to Luca, my 4 year old. I turned his TV off and he started crying that he wanted to watch more (what is with kids and YouTube? I think I need to take it off of his TV once and for all). Anyways, I tried to sneak out of his room after he cried that he needed to watch more TV, it was too dark in the room even with a nightlight, he was cold, hot, didn’t want a blanket, didn’t want to sleep alone)…the whole nine. 5 minutes later he showed up in my bedroom saying he didn’t want to sleep in his room.
Okay, no biggie. This is nothing new to me. But neither would stop fidgeting, hitting each other (boys) and Luca was tattling every 30 seconds “my brother hit me, Landon’s kicking, Landon’s talking”). In my head I’m thinking of the book my best friend got me as a joke a few years back called “Go the Fuck to Sleep,” wishing it would be my reality right now!
Fast forward to the morning, I’m exhausted as Landon starts rubbing my face at 6:45am “mommy mommy” in his cute little voice.
Okay, I’m up. Let’s start the day.
My husband worked until 4am so not atypical, I’m on my own in the mornings. I got both boys up (mind you, Luca is impossible in the mornings – it’s like someone stuck a 15 year olds brain into my 4 year old child’s body). “I’m tired, I want to sleep 5 more minutes, I don’t want breakfast, that shirt isn’t comfy, don’t let Landon touch me”..the list goes on. I got them dressed, fed them, made lunches, cleaned up and got them out the door and on their way to school. I walked both boys in and got back in my car to head home.
Wednesday’s are when I have the most client calls so from the second I wake up until the time I get back from dropping the boys, I’m already in a mass panic sorting out in my head which reports I need to review, what items I need to put into my call agendas, etc.
Fast forward to about the time I go to get the boys (survived my 2 client calls at this point). I get a message from our Digital team that we had an issue with one of our accounts.
Great news to end the day…so I dealt with that and then got my boys from school.
I truly don’t understand the amount of energy my kids have upon arriving home from school. The second we walk in they run (and I’m not joking), maybe even sprint would be the correct word to our pantry where the snacks are kept. My 1 year old will just repeat over and over “nack nack nack.” (I have to laugh while writing this because I get mad but it’s somewhat funny lol). My oldest climbs onto a little stool we keep under the desk part of the counter in the kitchen to unlock the lock from our pantry (guys, I have to keep a lock on our pantry…if this isn’t mom life, I don’t know what is). They’d be getting snacks out of the cabinet 100 times a day instead of 20 if I didn’t have it. They then proceed to ride on their little cars around the house popping wheelies and making insane car noises (I think they both have secure future careers as voice over professionals for Dodge in making the HellCat rev up sound, not exaggerating).
Fast forward again to dinner, which is always a struggle with my oldest. I’m considering food therapy, recommended by our pediatrician. My youngest is pretty easy when it comes to eating – he’s a variety is the spice of life kind of guy and will generally eat whatever I made if it’s not too over the top lavish.
Bath time and then bed routine (I use the word routine very openly because it’s not a strict down to the minute routine).
I went to lay down and put Landon to bed (same deal as last night) while Luca was in his room watching TV. Another night of Landon popping up every 5 minutes to see if I was still next to him. I think I need to hire a sleep trainer (some of my friends have had success with it). An hour went by…now I’m really annoyed telling Landon to go to sleep but angrily, like he was a 10 year old who knew what I was even talking about.
I was on the verge of tears. All I wanted to do was sit my butt down on my couch or in bed, catch up on a few shows (I haven’t even gotten to turn my TV on this week, that’s how hectic it’s been) and type up a blog post (this one!)
I almost called my husband to complain how stressed I was (while he was out working).
Before I hit the call button, I was just scrolling scrolling on my phone on Instagram hoping he would finally fall asleep and then
I stopped scrolling when I came across a few popular baby clothing brands I follow who had re-posted a story about a beautiful baby girl who had experienced a seizure a few months back, later to be diagnosed with brain cancer. The parents were so hopeful with radiation treatment and their long hospital stay that their baby was improving (months in the hospital – they had pretty much readjusted their lives and were living in a hospital). The little girl pictured is so beautiful and innocent. A few days ago they found out the cancer had spread to her spine and the hospital sent them home for her to be on hospice, to be made as comfortable as possible in her final few weeks.
I have the chills all over my body writing this and tears in my eye. If you’re a parent, you understand.
I can’t even fathom what this family is going through. You bring a baby into this world praying and hoping for the best life for them.
My thoughts about calling my husband to complain about our kids not sleeping evaporated into thin air. I started crying reading the post about this little beautiful girl whose life is going to be cut short, taken from her family at a way too young age. My thoughts about my kids not sleeping seemed so irrelevant at this point.
All I kept thinking was, my kids are here, home, with me, safe, healthy. Are they annoying sometimes? Without a doubt. Am I probably a little too jumpy at times? Absolutely.
It’s in that moment that I realized I needed a kick in the butt from an Instagram post of someone else’s sick child to realize mine were right in front of me. In that moment, I felt peace and content (but also heartbreak for the little girl’s family) .
My heart goes out to the family of this little girl. Lots of people are thinking about you right now during this tough time.