Many of us women long for the customary path of engagement, marriage, a good career, a “forever” home and babies, at least at some point in our lives. Some go on to have one or two of those things, others – all of them. Some do them out of order. Some have some of them and then lose them. Some can never have some of the ones they want.
Getting engaged younger than all of my friends was strange…Not in a “I don’t want to be engaged” kind of way but more of a “No one I’m friends with can relate to me at this phase of my life now” sort of strange.
I was pregnant shortly after our engagement at just 25 years old (may seem young to some, old to others) but for me, I felt insanely young. It had just been months before where my “boyfriend” and I were out at all hours of the night in Miami, having the time of our lives and now come to find out that a placenta would come out of my hoo-ha after the baby (they clearly don’t teach these things in sex ed). What? You deliver a baby and then something else comes out? I was horrified at the thought of the entire process.
Well, 2 kids later, I now know what a placenta looks like first hand thanks to my husband taking one picture and one picture only during the birth of our second son. I almost died looking at the picture he took (none of the birth, just the one placenta picture (ha!)) Do guys share placenta pics after birth like they share IG model pics with their bros? Ew, I’m getting grossed out, next topic.
It’s been all but easy raising 2 kids for the last 4.5 and almost 2 years.
We followed the customary order of operations (sort of)…engagement, pregnant, wedding, baby #1, house, started our careers….
Career meaning a 9-5er for me and my husband took the entrepreneur path.
The entrepreneur life is an interesting one y’all. It not only sucks the life out of the entrepreneur while they build the company up, it also eats the spouse alive too. Entrepreneurs eat, breath and sleep the business. You are the business. You start at 0 every month. Sink or swim. Ride or die. If you’ve never been one or been with one or know one, it’s not for the faint of heart if you don’t want to fail 2 years in. I think I’ll dedicate another blog post to this topic. Let’s move on.
Back to you and us, Mommas.
Life after kids has been anything but easy, I have to admit.
I love my sons with every last ounce of my heart and being but seriously, no amount of prep work, career work, homework, none of it can prepare you for the Mom life that comes after kids. There are different types of mom lives (the career moms, stay at home moms and a mix of the two moms).
I’m the mix of the two mom.
My days look a little like this: My youngest wakes at around 7am (which is usually in my bed). I’m normally already up because 1. My kids take up my entire bed (yes, I know – need to fix this ASAP) and 2. My internal body clock just says wake up at this point. The second he wakes up he says “eat eat.” Who in the world wants to eat the second they wake up 😂 I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m a foodie and love that he is but pancakes and a banana are certainly not on my mind 45 seconds after opening my eyeballs.
Get him dressed, teeth brushed, hair geled and shoes on. He’s easy, so lovable (most times) except for lately…those terrible 2 tantrums. Not sure what’s up but a storms brewing, inside of his tiny body…waiting to come out in the form of tantrums…at the drop of a hat…multiple times a day.
Prep breakfast, get him into the high chair and turn on the same episode of Mickey Clubhouse he requests every morning.
Next chore: waking my oldest up for school, which seems harder than life itself. I’m genuinely concerned about August, when he goes to Kindergarten. He’s been this way since he was born, super stubborn, loves sleeping, hates being disturbed while sleeping. We have videos at 2 years old of him saying the exact same thing! Looking back, it all makes sense now!
I have to carefully choose my words when waking this one up. It’s like a teenager crept into his little 4 year old brain 2 years ago and never left. “Luca, it’s time to wake up for school.” “eghhh no, get out, 5 more minutes, shut the light off (whining voice).” OMG! Then he’ll finally agree for me to carry him to the couch where he needs to lay on our velvet comfy blankets until he drinks his chocolate almond milk, eats 1 bite of a pancake and then whines some more about not wanting to get dressed. Finally, after I’ve asked, asked and then yelled 35 times to put his shoes on, brush his teeth and I’ve given up on letting me gel his hair so he doesn’t get head lice (ew), we’re ready to get out the door.
I also throw the lunches together (the struggle is real when you have a child who doesn’t like to eat anything but snacks). I love cooking but really despise making lunches – am I strange? Never mind, don’t answer that.
Somewhere in that timeframe I get dressed (not presentable, just well enough where I don’t look abysmal and can run them into school).
1.5 hours before my work day even starts feels like a lifetime. I’m mentally exhausted at this point.
I drop the kids at pre school (no car pool line so have to park, bring each into their respective classroom).
Whew, on my way home now…to work.
I work remotely. It seems nice in theory, maybe. The lines are blurred for me since I’ve been doing it this way for so long. You have to be very disciplined. I repeat, very! I’m trapped in my home office all day on conference calls, putting together massive excel sheet and PowerPoint reports, budgets, analysis… Am I thankful to provide monetarily? Yes, of course! I’m also human though and sometimes wish I was a SAHM.
After work, I rush out the door to get my kids, most times while still on a work conference call.
Grab the kids, come home. The fighting starts the second we walk in between my two kiddos. Oh and snacks, can’t walk in without immediately wanting a snack (but half of lunch wasn’t even eaten). I’m exhausted, I give in. “Yes, go get a snack.”
Almost dinner time. What to cook tonight? Oh yes, a gourmet meal because clearly I love torturing myself 😂 75 ingredients? No problem!
Also 2 other meals because my oldest doesn’t eat anything and my youngest is allergic to a bunch of stuff.
Clean up time. Anyone else feel like it’s a job in itself cleaning the damn high chair, especially after giving them pasta with butter or sauce? Dishes galore, all piled into the dishwasher. My youngest apparently likes the feeling of running his greasy cheesy hands through his hair. I find bits of Parmesan cheese throughout the strands.
Bath time: If I didn’t force my kids out of the bath (tantrums included), they’d stay in for hours!
Pjs and teeth brushed, Time to watch a TV episode and bed (never goes as planned with 2 kiddos because “mom life”)
I’ve already been up for 14 hours at least at this point – it feels even longer than that.
In my head I’m thinking, will I get to shower tonight before I go lay in my clean bed smelling like a garlic clove? Will I get to watch my 2 hour stint of the Bachelor before my kids wake up and come strolling into my room?
Days are long, nights are long, weeks are long. Mom life is also not for the faint of heart, just like entrepreneurship. You have to be up for the challenge, except if you fail…well, that would be a lot bigger deal than with a business. We are our kids rock, their hero, their mentor, their supporters, their life lines, their biggest fans.
I wouldn’t change being a mom for anything but there are days where I am stressed, angry, tired and emotional, like I assume we all are at times! It helps that I have lots of other Mom friends who can relate on some level to what I’m going through.
While I’m normally feeling stressed out a good portion of the week, I love being a mom more than anything I’ve ever done before in my life. It gives me purpose. I’ve grown up with my kids over the last 4.5 and 2 years. I’ve learned about myself while helping them learn.
The next time you’re feeling stressed out, just remember. There are lots of us that can relate. I always try to remind myself, “things can always be worse” and it brings me back to reality!
One stressed out mama to another!