A Bigger Look at the Smaller Picture

When you step back in life and are able to take a snapshot from the outside looking in, it’s amazing the things you’ll learn and see, even to those who truly believe they know everything. Today, I learned something valuable. Today, I learned something not so new, but surprising because it’s something I thought I would never experience. I never envisioned having a child when I was 26, let alone being able to bring on a full time Nanny to do all of the motherly tasks I cannot do while my husband and I work. I never envisioned any of it to be honest. I envisioned myself moving up the corporate ladder until my career peaked, monotony took over and by that point, I would be able to stay home anyways. Life doesn’t always work out with the plans you have in mind. As I was saying, today, I learned something valuable. On Monday, my nanny told me her and her husband would be moving to Fort Lauderdale so next Friday would be her last day since the commute would be too far north for her. I felt sweaty and nervous when she told me the news; who wants to have two weeks to find a replacement for someone caring for their child? I started looking but planned on phone interviewing over the weekend, aka tomorrow. The end of day today came and I walked out of my home office at the usual 5:30pm to see my son beaming with smiles and giggles from ear to ear as soon as he saw me come around the corner. It’s crazy how the little things in life make you so grateful after you see those traits passed on to a child you’ve created. Everything your mom always said was true – we all just never believe it until it’s a reality in our own lives. The nanny, standing in the kitchen, thanks me for the opportunity…I was startled. I said, “wait, you’re coming back until next Friday.” She continued to say no, this Friday. The language barrier confused her with this versus next Friday. Today was her last day, I just wasn’t aware of it. I was upset and flustered but thanked her and said my son would miss her – what else could I do? Beg her to come back next week? She proceeded to walk out of my front door like she had never even watched my son. 6 months of growing, learning, developing since my baby was 5.5 weeks old and not a single tear shed, not one emotional bone in her body. She left like she never existed. It hit me then. A job is just a job. I always knew it was but it took today to make me realize that it’s really just that, a job. I couldn’t be mad at her, how could I be? She wasn’t hired to love him, she was hired to take care of him as her job. All this time, I would tell people, “my nanny loves Luca” but in actuality, she was just doing her job. He loved her because it was all he knew during the week and he’s not developed mentally enough to know that’s not a person to be a “forever” figure in his life. She was good at her job and it was an illusion to me, his mother, that she loved him. It turns out, a not so positive day turned into a valuable lesson in my life. I think all of us do it but don’t realize it. Some more than others, some less. If you walked out of your job tomorrow, would you have regret or be able to move forward without remorse because it was just that, a job?

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